Whose KAAL is it anyway?

18 05 2005

OK! I admit I have a fetish for Multi-starrer movies (Joshua – I remember you buddy). That might be the only reason I hauled my butt to watch a movie like Kaal. And I was pretty excited about it too, even though my friends advised against it.

Anyway, I should have know better because producer was Karan Johar, whose claim to fame is producing mushy-mushy, sissy Shahrukh Khan movies. Should have known best because Shahrukh Khan was the co-producer and did an ITEM number in it.

The Plaat:
For those who have not seen it yet Kaal is a movie which has John Abraham as National Geographic (NG) researcher( and if you believe that you can believe anything) whose love interest is Esha Deol (Yuck!) who also helps John in his research. It also has Vivek Oberoi, who after Company gave such mega flops as Dum, Road, and a movie with Aish. Vivek’s love interest is Lara Dutta in the movie.

So John is sent Orbit Park – only director know why its called Orbit, they might as well have stuck to reality and called it Jim Corbet Park. Where was I? Ya John is sent to Orbit park to investigate killings of tourist and NG researchers by maneaters Tigers/Lions of Orbit Park. And it was an obvious choice to send in the specialist since Police thought it was man eater who was doing the killing. Vivek on the other hand lands up in Orbit park as a punsihment for showing off his latest Lexus SUV.

On the way to the guest house Vivek’s gangs driver Bagga, who has a habbit of driving off the road more than on the road, bangs into stalled jeep of John Abraham. So meet Caesar and Brutus and begins the conquering of the worlds. Well you wish anyway! John takes an instant dislike/suspicion of Vivek, anyway, if Vivek keeps acting like that I wont blame John for hating him. Based on the same logic the director should have let Vivek also nurse ill feeling about John. However, thats only my observation.

Anyway, they reach the guest house and live happily ever after! If director Soham would have ended the movie there it would have been a decent enough movie but Soham would not be satisfied by making a decent movie. No Sir, he wouldn’t rest in peace till he pulls the plot down, forces the cast to stutter lousy dialogs and dances on the grave of a script that could have been made into a good movie.

So the killings start first a driver, then a Guide, then a friend, then another friend and so on. In between all this killing the Caesar-Brutus gang, i mean Vivek-John gang befriends a new guide who saves them from tigers. The movie then keeps meandering along on a paper thin plot which was so thin that if it would have been any thinner there couldn’t have been a movie. The grand finale, the climax of the movie is who will find the Caesar-Brutus gang first? End of the Jungle or their death or director Soham for signing the cast up for Bikram aur Betaal – the sequel of Kaal. As you might have guessed it by now ladies in the movie have no role except giving vocal support in shrieking and lagging behind when running like a rocket with its ass on fire was worth a million $ every minute.

Recommendations: Personally if you ask me the dialog writer should be hanged in public for writing dialogs like “Takdeer hamko yahaan tak le aayee hai, ab hamein takdeer ka saath dena hoga, aur dekhtein hain ki takdeer hamaara saath deti hai ya nahi.” I mean c’mon even my grand dad wouldn’t have used that kind of lingo in 19th century. Dude its 21st. Wake up!

If you still care for my two pence – the director should be given life sentence for killing the Guide who was the only good character in the whole movie. Also in my far from humble opinion, Vivek and John should be given an option of VRS to save the Indian public from such scum acting.Esha can’t be wronged for not looking good because she couldn’t inherit good looks from Hema Malini, magar agar Dharam paaji ke dole shole mile hote to she would have had a sizzling career in WWE. Lara Dutta? Well its high time she should start getting worried about getting uglier by the day and that ever receding hairline, or wait probably it was always like that. Whatever!

Final Word:
Go for Kaal only if you like Multi-starrer movie and if you have a blog to bitch about it.

Movie: Kaal
Director: Soham
Cast: John Abraham, Esha Deol, Vivek Oberoi, Lara Dutta, Ajay Devgan, Lots of Side Actors and Gladiator ke bhooke (boodhe) sher.

Producer: Karan Johar and Shahrukh Corn.


An Ode to my Mother!

6 05 2005

Just returning back from a week long lay off due to some UFI – Unidentified Fever Infection! As I lay on the bed wondering what the hell hit me, and as I lay there feeling my fever rise and subside every hour, one person I missed most was Mumma.

The last time I ever got a severe bout of fever was another UFI. I got up one summer morning with a raging fever! At that time I was 12 old and that fever was the worst I ever felt in my whole life. That fever never let up for 10 days but those 10 days still seemed ages. The docs bumbled through one medication to another, diagnosed one disease after other starting from flu to malaria to typhoid to urine infection. So many assortment of injections found their way in my butt that at the end both the cheeks were swollen. I was bed ridden all of 10 days with a temperature of 103-104 degs.

Days were fine, even though I was in misery but light has strange effect on Pysche and I pulled through the days pretty bravely. Nights were absolutely horrible. I couldn’t sleep more than an hour at a time. And I kept trying to keep myself from sobbing and whimpering but couldn’t help it. The moment a cry left my lips I woke mumma and she put that ever comforting hand on my forehead.

For those 10 nights my mother could not sleep a wink. The moment my sleep broke I couldn’t help but cry and the moment I made a noise, mumma was up, trying to make me feel better. She did not sleep a moment those 10 nights as she kept putting that wet cloth on my forehead, then replacing it. She hand fed me each of those 10 days only to see me throw up.

Mumma missed her work for those 10 days to make sure she was always by my side. And me, I just didn’t have the courage to get through a day if Mumma was not around. I was scared, I had nightmares every night, I always dreamt I was getting fried on a hot saucerpan.

Finally, one night I slept all I could, I got up and there was only a hint of fever. I felt no fever no pain. Mumma was already up and her hand was on my forehead when I opened my eyes. And she was crying. I didnt understand why she was crying at that time. Fever had left me as abruptly as it had got me. One night! Docs never knew which medicine worked, I never knew what infection got me so forget about what drug cured me. I can’t even say if it was a medicine that did cure me.

And as I lay in the bed a week back with fever rising I wished Mumma was here! Not just through bad fever days, Mumma has always felt my pain, my despair, my happiness, my successes, my failures and she has always shared all my feelings. Mumma has always been there. She is the best – of what is my life. She also is the most precious in my life.

Mumma – I love you, and I hope you know I am a proud Mumma’s Boy!